I still haven't gotten the hang of this frakking respect thing. 

I'm the XO. I follow Bill's orders, make sure the underlings do the same and retribution is swift and severe (in most cases) when the CO's orders aren't followed to the letter. 

Got a little crazy after New Caprica and Ellen, but I was forgiven the same as always. I'll admit, it'd been a frakking long time since I saw Bill that pissed and even longer since I was the one who got him that way. But when he told me to go back to my quarters and keep my mouth shut until I was ready to resume my post, I did it. Still not sure why I followed those orders. Guess I knew I was a danger while all I could still see was that frakking hot poker coming at me and Ellen's cold, dead body on the cot down on New Caprica. Didn't even get a chance to bury her before Bill came to pick us up. Guess it doesn't matter, though. Four months of the Occupation and we didn't get a chance to bury a lot of the people those frakkin' Cylons killed. And, yeah, we got some of them too. What of it? What were we supposed to do, sit around with our thumbs up our asses? 

Anyway, I guess my respect for Bill was enough to carry me through when the bitterness and frakked-up stuff was heaped up on the years of friendship I'd shared with the man. Thought I'd gotten some feel for it that time. 

Then the rug got pulled out from under me and that frakking music woke me up to what I was, what the Chief was, what Anders was, what Tory Foster was. And I found out I still didn't get it. Should've gone straight to Bill and the President then, told them I was a Cylon, and let the President indulge in her favorite pasttime and send another frakkin' toaster out the airlock. 

I didn't know what would happen when I did finally tell him about it. His anger and disgust I expected. Disappointment? I'm used to it. But I never expected to drive him into a breakdown. That man is my brother and it wasn't Laura Roslin that finally got him, it was his best friend. 

Should've thrown myself out the airlock before he ever had to find out. That would have been respectful. 

Bill wouldn't have had to do a damn thing and I wouldn't have done such a frakkin' fine job of dismantling him.